Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
