I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
