Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
