put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
