I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
