in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I think I won the penis lottery.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
