and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Every concussion has its silver lining
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
