He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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