If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
