I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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