I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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