I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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