One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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