i just wanna soil my oats bro
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
