Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
