I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
