stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
you have to choose: penises or morals?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
