I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
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