I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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