so explain again why im purple
no
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
