Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
