i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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