No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
