Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Randomize
