Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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