hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
