I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize