I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
