I wanna passion pit in your ass
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
