I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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