If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
