I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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