I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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