here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize