I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
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