Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
