ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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