My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
