His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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