Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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