Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
