am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Randomize
