Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
