I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
