I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
