Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
this is an emotional support booty call
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
