I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
