I wish I could teleport
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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