thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
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