doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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