He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
