I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
