does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
you had me at cake vodka
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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