I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I am available for nakedness
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
