What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
