After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
