so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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