And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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