As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
