Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Randomize
