i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
At least life still wants to fuck me.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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