I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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