Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize