i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
