I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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