Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
It's just like the Real World with babies
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
